Im sorry I missed you...

I haven't been here in a long time for a couple reasons. First of all, this site is now blocked at work. I think it might have something to do with the letter X, but I'm not sure. Secondly, my friends that also blogged here have since left this site for other blog locations.

But, I feel like blogging and I am too lazy to create something somewhere else.

So, I'm getting married. And in this whole wedding planning process, I have become this person that I didn't think I would ever be. I wanted it to be simple, I wanted it to be small, I wanted it to be easy. I realize now that there is no simple with a wedding. Nor is there easy. Small - its still possible and it will be quite small - with about 30 people at the ceremony and hopefully not over 100 at the reception the next week.

I realize that by 'simple', I really meant affordable. I don't have a lot of money and I don't want to depend on the folks for much. Its a second marriage and I am in my thirties; I feel that means its my wedding to plan and pay for, and I am okay with that. It gives me creative control that I have discovered I very much want.

It has also turned me into one of those women that carries around a folder with a bunch of stuff in it. I remember when my youngest brother got married and his future bride pulled out this HUGE binder with fabric swatches, announcement samples and the like in it. I thought she was a bit crazy at the time. Now, I totally get it.

You need to be organized for everything to go well. You need to plan EVERYTHING. I am planning things I never even thought about, like the exact wording my officiant is going to say, what my guest sign in book is going to look like (I even had a dream about it),  and what wine are going to drink at the reception.

With planning everything (and having much more of DIY wedding than I thought I would) there is a certain freedom about it. we have control over everything - and its empowering. This is our wedding, not our parents, not my kids', and I know that some people will think some of our choice are odd (such as dragging everyone down a dirt road to get married or having the reception at a brewery) but they are OUR choices. And that feels amazing!

Another lifetime ago, I worked for Child Protective Services. For the most part I block out my experiences at this job; they were sad, traumatic, painful and on top of it all I was pretty shitty at it.

One thing that will always make me remember this job is Unicorns. I cannot tell you how many times I went into someones house to follow up on a complaint, and they had some sort of Unicorn paraphernalia. Little ceramic statues, framed circa 1970s posters, woven throw blankets on beat up old couches, and my favorite - the Velvet Poster. You know the type, the ones that you can feel: the background is soft black "velvet" and the poster is of various colorful (usually hippie type) things - quite often Unicorns.

It seemed to be some sort of phenomenon that I could never quite put my finger on. Why was it that in my 'regular' day to day life I rarely saw Unicorn decor in the households of acquaintances, friends and family, yet it was a reoccurring theme that seemed to be associated with various allegations of abuse or neglect?

At a conference I brought this up with some fellow coworkers who had the same job responsibilities as I, yet were more experienced. A couple of them laughed but one gal, as serious as could be, explained her own personal theory on it. I was thrilled that someone else had noticed this odd trend. She stated, in her perspective, that the presence of Unicorns in a home was not associated with Abuse or Neglect, but rather Drug use. She rambled a bunch of percentages to me and stated that she was actually taking statistics on the frequency of Drug busts with Unicorn association. She was excited that someone else had taken note of this and begged me to contact her about every case I had noticed this in. A little whack, I thought, but why not?

A while after that I was called out to a home via police request; there was a drug bust going on and all the adults were being arrested. A ten year old girl was there and no one to take her. She was refusing to even talk and hiding in her bedroom when I arrived. I walked into the house and right in front of me was one of the biggest Velvet posters I had seen - a very elaborate nature type scene - and intermingled in the forest was a Unicorn.

I quit that job shortly after - it was too much of a weight on the rest of my life and like I said I sucked at it. I'm not sure how true the Unicorn theory is - perhaps it is all coincidence, who knows? But even to this day when someone mentions Unicorns to me I think of "happy" thoughts like Drug users, Child Abuse, and the kids caught up in it.

(*note: If you enjoy unicorn decor and have some of your own, I am in no way implying you use illegal drugs, so please don't take offense) 

Everyone is getting a dog. Or a second one even. I wanna dog of my own. My friend Sara will be getting this one delivered to her in a few weeks time:

Pups 2d

GOOD

The sun is shining. It feels like Spring. I could really use some Spring in my life right now.
I've stuck to this diet I decided to start yesterday. Two days of following through with something seems like a big deal right now.
I am on-call and haven't gotten any stupid calls...yet.
I spent about 1.5 minutes on my hair today and it looks pretty decent.

I have gotten myself all worked up over this doctors appointment I have today.
I got in a minor car accident yesterday and haven't even called my insurance. I will soon, maybe.
I feel like a nice glass of wine right now, and its ten am.
I've been picking my ears a lot lately and the right one hurts.

The State of Utah, as all other states in our union, is going through quite the economic crisis. The legislators on the hill just finished some major budget revisions, and word flew like wildfire that whole programs were being cut, major layoffs were coming down the pike, and furloughs considered. When it was all said and done, our Department and my Office specifically fared amazingly well, with no employee positions cut (yet) and no programmatic cuts (yet). But, our administrative budget has been reduced by 15%.

Our Director has asked we all take a look at our personal work habits and see where we individually can reduce cost. I've been thinking about this, and trying to make some personal changes of my own. Here is what I have come up with:

The lights in my little corner of the building are controlled by a switch in the cubicle next to me. For some reason, that woman isn't here a lot, so when she isn't they don't get turned on til someone else does it. I vow to never go flip the switch. I can't stand the overhead florescents anyway, so that is an easy one.

I was thinking I would try and minimize my trips to the bathroom, but I'm a bit wary about that health wise. I also remember the philosophy of "If its yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down". But, being a professional environment, I don't think I could get away with not flushing. So, I've decided to use less toilet paper and paper towels in my bathroom trips. So far, so good...

I've started my own little recycling bin in my office. I actually got this idea from my boyfriend, who bags up his recyclables in his office and then takes them home when its full. This isn't papers to be recycled, as we have a bin for that (and all confidential things should go in there anyway), but rather its the paper boxes my Lean Cuisine's come in, the plastic water bottles I acquire, soda cans and the like. I figure a few less things in the garbage can somehow along the line costs the state less money, right? Not to mention the benefits to the environment.

I take the stairs. Now, I've done that since I started in this building so its not new really. But why waste the energy to haul my ass up three floors in a stinky elevator (often times by myself) when I can tramp up and down the metal stairs. Plus, its the only exercise I get some days.

I send out a lot of letters to my programs, telling them what I will be looking for in an upcoming audit. I've started writing the letters but then attaching them to emails instead of mailing them out. Mostly this has been out of laziness cause I can never remember how to change the printer setting so that the first page is on letterhead and the rest on regular paper. So often times I end up printing it several times and throwing away the copies. But I realized this is also a cost saving thing, so I feel even better about doing it from now on. 

I've decided to become less of a pen snob. I tend to have at least a dozen decent pens available to me at any moment; I think I get some sort of reassurance from knowing I have decent writing utensils at my disposal. The problem with that is, I don't care when I lose one or misplace one, cause I know I have ten others as backups. I figure if I try and maintain only 2 or 3 pens in my office, I will be more careful about holding onto them longer and save my office a few bucks along the way.

Its a pretty cheesy list, I realize. Of course this is on top of reducing the number of copies I make and use, conserving my travel and use of the vehicles, and so on. I guess its just my own little personal way of trying to help out.

What's your favorite TV commercial?
Submitted by MexicanRobot.

Seriously? People enjoy commercials? Well, I don't so you get a list of ones I hate instead.

I keep a constant list of my top five HATED commercials. Last month, it included that one with the furry creature that says "I...Wuve...You...". The Arbys one with the wife wearing the uniform carrying a tray of food to her husband ("I'm only doing this cause I love you").

This month my commercial list includes the Carls Jr one where the guy is getting the spray paint sanded off his car cause he cheated on his girlfriend (apparently something to be proud of), those damn Geico ones with the stacks of money with the eyes (all of them, including the radio versions of them. Not amusing at all), and the Artic Circle one where the "sexy" girl licks her lips and winks at the cow and he licks his lips back (I believe this might be local). I could go on. But I won't.

rant off

So, I was challenged by a friend to write 25 things about myself. He could only come up with 16. I did this originally on Facebook, but wanted to post it here as well.

1. I cant sleep more than 8 hours, usually less. My body just wont let me.
2. I have to look at my food before I put it in my mouth. Eating in the dark is difficult.
3. I haven't eaten red meat for about ten years, although ironically I did serve at a steakhouse for a while a couple years ago.
4.I've been told I ask too many questions, and inane ones at that.
5. I am not a morning person, and am a night owl. Yet I find myself getting up earlier and earlier these days and going to bed before midnight.
6. I love 'discovering' new (new to me) music. I get this rush, not unlike a rush a junkie gets I suspect when I find something that reaches into my soul.
7. I shocked myself last spring by discovering I actually love to jog, but I've got to be careful cause I can tell my knee can blow out easily.
8. Green has been my favorite color for as long as I can remember, right now its the uglier the better.
9. Sometimes Im amazed that my kids are as normal as they are, given they had teen parents who divorced in their formative years and shipped them back and forth for years.
10. I still consider myself a gamer and gaming as a drug that I currently do not ingest.
11. I love coffee! If you told me five years ago I would be saying that I would laugh at you.
12. I am addicted to drama. Im slowing weaning myself of this and embracing how peacefulness can be just as addicting.
13. I look back on 2008 and I think it was one of the best years for me in regards to growth, strength, change, and becoming who I truly am.
14. I wash my hair less and less these days. Like maybe twice a week. I hate to fix it and it seems to do better the less trauma I put it through.
15. It bugs me that Nathan's biggest influence musically is Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and Weird Al Parodies. Whenever a song comes on the radio and he says 'turn it up' I make him tell me who the band is before I oblige.
16. I really like all my siblings. Really. I actually enjoy hanging out with all of them and it rarely feels like obligation.
17. I worry about Tyler, his future, his happiness, his health, his well being. But I know also that I did what I could - I was the best parent I knew how to be at that time and I couldn't have been anything else.
18. I hate how long it takes for a little cut on my finger to heal. Seriously! getting old sucks.
19. My poker face is getting better but surely needs more work.
20. I like feeling productive and busy, and it bugs me how much free time I have these days.
21. I can't imagine living in the town I grew up in, yet I feel that it was the best place for me to be a kid.
22. I love my Jetta although its got gremlins just like my first Jetta. Its a dual edged sword, owning a VW.
23. I pick at my ears when I'm stressed out, or bored. Gross eh?
24. My new job makes me feel more uncomfortable regularly than I have in a long time than anything else. But maybe this could b e a good thing in the end.
25. When I sit and think about my life, I feel blessed. Or lucky. Or maybe both.

What do you love most about your job?

 I ranted enough about the things I don't like about my job. Now its time for the good. I would say the single most thing I love about my job is my flexibility with my time. I mean, here I am at work and I'm typing this. Others are not so lucky sometimes. I have basic hours but I can change those up if needed. My workload for the rest of the month is pretty low, so I'm in the office a lot, but in January I know I will be out and about a lot and no one is going to be hounding me wondering where I am and what I am doing. I don't have to punch a time clock nor inform my supervisor of my every move. I do very much appreciate the freedom my current job provides me.

Runner up: There is this totally ghetto workout room on the main floor that I have grown to enjoy. I never knew the ease and convenience of not having to leave your place of employment to get some exercise. Its actually a pretty sweet gig!

Second runner up: Okay lastly, I feel secure that I will still have a job next year. With the economy, and with the State of Utah saying they will cut their budget 15% in January, I know that my job is a necessary position and I am not at risk for being laid off (even with the mentality of last hired / first fired). Unfortunately, I know too many people these days that cannot say that, and my heart really goes out to them.

 After 8 years at the same job, I have been offered a position at another State office and (to my suprise) decided to actually take it. I'm freaking out a little bit right now...

Here is the email my future supervisor sent to my future office. Seeing it in writing made my heart race!

>>> Lj Dustman 10/21/2008 11:32 AM >>>

I'm happy to announce that Bonnie S------ has accepted the position in SLC. She will be replacing Jeff who is transferring to Ogden.

Bonnie has worked for DCFS and is currently a Support Coordinator for DSPD. Bonnie has a BS in Human Development & Family Studies from the U.

Bonnie will start with us on Monday 11/3/08. Welcome Bonnie.

I have been listening to a lot of talk radio lately, and of course the hot subjects are politics and the economy. Besides the now well-known quasi quotes like "I can see Russia from my house" and hockey mom jokes, here are a few of my favorite quotes I wanted to share with you all:

"Government should never be bigger than something you can drown in the bathtub. That way, if it gets out of hand its easy to dispose of."

(In reference to the Bailout Bill): "The only thing we are doing is trading seats around on the Titanic."

:)